I have read many articles regarding the stages of grief, many of them say there are anywhere from 5 – 10 stages that a person goes through. But they all end with the acceptance of the inconceivable. The acknowledgment and exhaustive understanding that your loved one is gone and never returning in a physical form.
As I soon approach the 4th year of the day my son was prematurely taken from me, I now sadly and profoundly acknowledge that he’s gone. He will not be returning to me. He will not ask me to cook one of his favorite dishes, Ofada Stew. I will not have the chance to hug or hold him in my arms just one more time. Nor will I have the chance to call and hear him tell me I am his favorite stalker.
Although I accept his death, make no mistake that I don’t still cry. The pain is still here. I still feel the burning in my chest and a longing that is so intense, so indescribable, it sometimes physically hurts. But in these last 4 years, I’ve learned to manage my pain. I’ve learned to live with it. My grief is not acute, it’s chronic.
Everyone travels their own path when navigating the road of grief. You often jump back and forth between the stages. But you have to go through it, in order to get through it. You can’t suppress your emotions or feelings. They have a way of resurfacing at the most inopportune time. You must remember to be gentle with yourself. Show yourself the same compassion you would give a friend or brother. Most importantly, recycle your pain into something that honors the memory of your loved one.